BREAKING NEWS: Popeye to desist SPINACH and drink BOURNVITA instead!

Scene: Popeye’s house.

Doorbell rings. Popeye opens the door (Slightly annoyed because of an early morning visitor on his day off the shores)

Me: Good morning sir! I am…

Popeye: No, thank you. I don’t want insurance. You see, I eat spinach every single day. Coupled with this I say ‘I love you’ to Olive 5 times a day, it makes me younger each day! You bet, even the alien aging machine will not be able to guess my age on this date. Why the hell will I need insurance?!…and for your kind information I have left 6 botanical gardens which grow spinach, in the name of Olive, Swee’Pea, Peepeye, Poopeye, Pipeye, Pupeye. They will live happily and healthily ever after.

Me: May I say something? I am sure you will not regret at the end of the conversation.

Popeye: Ahh! You typical salesguy! I know you know how to walk the talk! Anyway, chip in. You better be quick, I need to have my serving of spinach soon…and I love it only in the company of my lovely Olive.

Me: Sir, I present to you Bournvita, the drink which comes from the house of Cadbury. This malted drink has been endorsed by the Indian super hero Krish. It is responsible for endowing health and intelligence amongst young adults like YOU!

Popeye: Don’t give me this! I mean, I am Swee’Pea’s father!

Me: This has been working wonders since 1948. It was conceived 19years after your thimble appearances first made way. Probably, your energy was the reason Cadbury thought of coming up with a product like this!

Popeye: So, you are trying to sell me something that I have inspired! Fella, you need to work on your selling skills!

Me: I am trying to make a point sir. The only reason that I have dared to come to you with my drink is because I believe it has something to offer that you currently don’t have. 19years of research sir! I am sure, it gives you a lot more than a basic dose of vitamin A through K, calcium, protein, dietary fibre and niacin acids.

Popeye: You are missing out on the magnesium, zinc and phosphorous!

Me: I realize that sir. But I bring you something more than and besides all of these.

Popeye: …and that would be??

Me: An irresistible taste of chocolate, a variety of flavors to choose from, tested results of better growth and holistic development and the RDA

Popeye: RDA??

Me: It’s the Recommended Dietary Allowance. Medical research has proven that 2 cups of Bournvita adequately cater to your daily energy needs. It’s a unique assurance that comes from the makers, Cadbury.

Popeye: I am no regular guy! I need super-human energy …do you understand that I am a hero for the million kids the world over?!

Me: Yes, Sir. I do realize that. Hence I would recommend 3 glasses of the drink, every single day. The third one you can have it with your dear lady-Olive. I am sure she will join you too.

(Silence…after 8seconds)

I must say, this will strengthen your bond…physically, emotionally and literally too…and in a very tasty and a routine manner.

Popeye (contemplating): Hmmmm…(Olive, my love…)

Me: And a fourth glass with SweePea can be the best you can ask for! It will give you all the iron in the world and knocking off the likes of Brutus will be cakewalk for you!

Popeye (getting a little emotional): This Brutus, I tell you! Every time he tries to take Olive away I feel like I've had all I can stand, I can't stands no more!

Me: Bournvita will certainly help you deal with Brutus. I also think it’s time you adapt a new source of energy. You have been carrying the Fleisher’s sword all through the Segar’s comic strip. Just a humble suggestion though, I hope you dint mind.

Popeye: Ahh…I…

Me: Why don’t you try the drink? I will just make one for you.

Popeye drinks. He feels revitalized instantly and loves the taste.

Popeye: It’s taski !!(tasty)

Me: and in case you just fail to stock milk, 2 teaspoons full will work the same magic.

Can I ask you a question?

Popeye: By all means!

Me: What is the capital of Ghana?

Popeye (instantly): Accra!!

(How did I get to that answer in a split second? It was never even my home-town!)

Honestly friend, I thought I didn’t know the answer

Me: You see sir; it’s the power of intellect that gets typically casted on you when you have a glass full of the drink. Let me tell you a little secret. These magical effects aren’t transferrable. They are unique to your Bournvita and you. They will only pass to any one of your nephews or SweePea as per your choice. You now have something unique to leave in your legacy I believe!

The door bell rings. Brutus is waiting at the door.

Me (from behind): Sir, I request you to not have a firm handshake

Popeye (holding his hand out): Come on in Brutus!

Brutus quivers in pain because of Popeye’s strong grip.

Popeye feels the peculiar music ring in the backdrop. Additionally he sees the image of himself having a good time with Olive and a bruised Brutus fallen behind.

Brutus leaves without saying a word. He is in great pain.

Popeye (delighted, holding out his glass): One more friend!

Me: May I place the pack of your new Bournvita on the shelf?

I believe the spinach boxes may need replacement; you won’t need your spinach serving that’s been pending for a while now!

Popeye (relishing Bournvita): Aye!

Me: I hope you have no regrets at the end of this conversation!

Popeye (hugs): No, no! Thanks a lot friend! You have given me a treasure!

(Wonders how I was not hurt despite the hug)

Hey! How come you are not hurt? Was my brace that weak??

Me: It’s the intellect sir! Even in your most energetic moments, you clearly understand whom to hurt and who not to! Enjoy your Bournvita! (smiles and leaves)

Popeye (sips the Bournvita and gazes in the mirror): “I yam what I yam!”

Environment

This definitely isn’t a cry of a die-hard environmentalist. I am not going to point out to the alarming number of mature trees being felled year after year, thereby exposing Mother Earth in the most sorry state. It’s just another day called as the Environment Day celebrated (supposedly, though I doubt people are aware that 5th of June every year is coined thus) globally to create awareness about the environment; that reminded me of my environment. The lush greenery of your plush residential complex situated in an uptown area of the suburb is not the only thing that qualifies as environment. It’s surprising to see how the builder’s get away by instituting townships by clearing huge acres of forest land and compensating for the green cover by planting a few shrubs in the boulevard. Who really cares about the wild life that loses its habitat? Is there a need to wonder when one finds a cheetah in the middle of a highway or a snake crawling in your bathroom? Of course the cheetah isn’t directing the traffic! Where are these poor creatures supposed to go and dwell when their living places are wiped away mercilessly? Scores of environmentalists have expressed concern about the depleting green cover, the declining number of endangered species and they fear extinction of many of them very soon. Village Forest Committees are working with the Joint Forest Management agency to restore millions of hectares of the degraded forests. But our efforts are being out-paced by the rate of destruction of the environment. Our honorable environment Minister finds it unrealistic to get 33% of the country’s area under the green cover. Planting 2 crore saplings (government target) in a year and then further strengthening the Politico-Builder’s nexus can never really be a solution to our green problems (or green becoming grey problems)!

The problem with our country is that green means different to different people and हरी पत्ती still has an over-powering colour-based influence on the Indian mindset. People still fail to realize the true meaning of being in the civil society environment. It’s a lot beyond the trees and saplings; it extends to your behaviour and civic sense. If you don’t throw your bus ticket when you get off the bus, you are contributing to the environment by not littering. If you are using the public transport in the first place instead of your personal car, you are firstly doing more good to the road blocks and then to reducing green house gas emissions too! If you avoid getting printed slips of your ATM transactions and you work towards going the e-way, then you are preventing the cutting of trees by saving paper. If you switch off the lights and fans when not in use, you are conserving energy. If you redress a broken tap with urgency, you are valuing the resource of water. If you are not smoking in public, you are able love your lungs and be concerned about the air the others breathe too!

It’s fairly easy to love your environment. India is a beautiful country, landscaped very scenically and crafted with care. It deserves to be valued and nurtured and not be left in a state of neglect. Don’t dirty the beaches, don’t the paint the walls of ancient monuments in the colours of your jilted love, don’t spit on the road (it makes you look more detestable than anything else) If you can’t go on hunger strikes when government claims huge acres of land in the name of development, you need to realize that you can contribute by doing a few things right. It goes to the grass root you see, where every small step counts!

जरा वेडे व्हा वेडे!

जरा वेडे व्हा वेडे! व्हा थोडे वेडे!

नेहमी काय शहाणपण दाखवत जगण्यात रस आहे?! फुलवेड्या माइंचे हे बोल, जणू काय जीवनाचे सर्वात मोठे गुपित किती सहज पणे सांगून जातात!

मोजून जेवायचे, नेमकेच बोलायचे, स्मित हसायचे..नेहेमीच काय असे करायचे? किती त्या ऊनाड मनाला डांबवून ठेवायचे? खरच त्याला एक दिवस तरी झोकून द्यायला हवे, असे वाटत नाही का आपल्याला? वाटते तर! कितीदा वाटते..पण नेहमीच तो ‘पण’ अगदी मांजरी सारखा आडवा येतो…आणि मग इच्छान वर कसा पाणी फिरते…रहता राहते ते कोमेजलेलं मन आणि हळव्या इच्छा…

पारवा खोली साफ करत होते..नव्या शहरात जायचे म्हटलं तर सामानाची यादी बनवणे गरजेचे असते…त्या आधी ते समान सापडणे अत्यावश्यक! पण या रोजच्या सामानात आठवणीने आठवणींचा एक गाठोडे आपण निश्चितच बंधतो…आवडते पुस्तक, रोजची लिहिलेली डायरी, मित्रांनी दिलेला बर्थडे गिफ्ट आणि काही खास फोटोस!

ड्रॉवर उघडताना तो अवजद झल्याचे मला जाणवले….बरीच वर्ष होती त्यात! कोपर्यात एक ड्रॉयिंग बुक मिळाले. उत्सुकतेने मी ते उघडले…प्रत्येक चित्र कानात एक हळूवार गोष्ट सांगून गेलं! बरेच चेहेरे परत आठवले, जे वेळ आणि स्म्रुतिबाहेर पडले होते…त्या सर्व चित्रात जणू बालपणातल्या मालिकेतील दडलेला एक भाग मला सापडला! मग वाटले की, इंजिनियरिंग च्या अवजद वजनाने हे मन गुदमरून तर नाही ना गेलं?..पण मग क्षणार्धात 4 सुवर्ण वर्षातील मनमोहक आठवणी डोळ्यासमोर नाचू लागल्या! जीवनातील छटा नि छटा दर्शवणार्या ह्या 4 वर्षात जणू पूर्ण आयुष्यच जगून काढलं मी! कधीतरी अगदी भरकटल्यासारख त्या मनाला स्वप्नांचे रथ दौडवायला मी परवांगी दिली, तर कधी कटाक्षाने विध्युत अभियांत्रिकी वाचायला लावली!

तेव्हा खर्या अर्थाने जाणवले की आयुष्य किती स्वप्नाळू आहे…जिवंतपणे जगण्यात खरी मजा आहे…

कधी जोरात गाणी लावून नाचून पहा, नाचणं सर्वांना जमतं…नेहेमीच काय आयुष्याच्या तालावर नाचायचं! कधीतरी लहरी धून वर नाचून पहा..सर्व निराशा , विचार काही वेळासाठी तरी निश्चितच गायब होतील…कधीतरी ऑफीस ची वाट चुका, समुद्र किनारी एकटेच भटका…बरेच दिवस भेटला नाहीत अश्या मित्र/मैत्रिणीला भेटा, बस ची वाट ना पाहता रस्ता पायी तुडवा…मोबाइल फोन बंद ठेवा!, तुम्हाला ते करणे जमू शकेल असे स्वतःलाच पटवून द्या!...दिलखुलास हसा, आनंद पसरवा, पथ्याचे जेवण टाळा, गरम गरम भजी चा स्वाद घ्या!…निदान एक दिवस तरी असे वागा, आयुष्याची 2 वर्ष नक्कीच वाढतील!

जरा वेडे व्हा वेडे! व्हा थोडे वेडे!

Wested musings…

That guitar appeals more than the sitar is not a new research finding, but the influence of the west in every walk of our life seems incredibly inexplicable.

Structured efforts of the mahapalika make sure that a record breaking FSI is granted to an upcoming mall in the western side of a city or suburb, while syndicates of immigrants assemble in the (east) to sell used clothes to give the area a semblance of dhobighat!

Right from thane east to bandra east, the substandardisation is rampant. Realty rates most certainly quantify this bias. A few good cities don’t have malls in their eastern regions. Not that it’s a benchmark for development, but the lackadaisical attitude endowed by bureaucracy gets onto my nerves. Historically too, ‘tadipaar’ areas have always belonged to eastern regions. Be it bus queues or skywalks, the east is either mismanaged or doesn’t have one. Water, electricity problems, developmental initiatives are tackled and implemented (respectively) in the west first. It’s even matter of pride if you stay in the west of a suburb.

At times I wonder whether the reason for moving into a live-in than bother with the same nut for 7 janams has its roots in the uncanny west-ed interest! If you notice, it has to be a ‘Westside’ that gives you a better range of formals! Incidentally, even the railway platforms begin their ascending order of numbering beginning with the west. Though east would alphabetically come before west, it is always west first; reminding me of the chivalrous stand to allow ladies first!

Crazy seems this fetish which takes you west-ward rather than forward!

Dreams

I woke up with a start,

To touch the dark,

Even a beacon of light seemed out of sight…

A thought so beautiful and a vision so bright,

Never did it allow me to sleep that night!

It catches me unawares,

At times when I blankly stare,

Rekindling my passion,

To reach for my worthy share…

The beautiful dream keeps me going,

Fighting the odds to clear my way,

I will reach it soon I firmly believe,

To be able to live my life my way!

Winds of Change

Rising and shining on all indices, India is proudly continuing its forward run to challenge any super power. Terms like GDP growth, interest rates and FDIs have been appearing in the most positive sense consistently over a period of last few months.

I don’t mean to paint a bleak picture out here, but is this growth favoring a majority of the Indian populace? The farmer still can’t get rid of the middle-men when it comes to selling his produce. The end consumer- the common man, hence bears the burden of rising food inflation. The average household is spending a significant proportion of its income in buying a perishable commodity like onions! Educational expenses are increasing and buying a 5*5sq. ft. balcony (though you can’t buy one) in Mumbai is also beyond the reach of (Soniya Gandhi’s) aam aadmi. The number of BPL families and the percentage of illiteracy is discomforting. What is India going to do with the largest workforce comprising people below 35years of age? Majority of them are not fit to cater to the needs of a constantly changing industry. Drop out rates at secondary school is an immediate cause of concern. The curriculum is unable to find practical applicability. Vocational training and higher education is marred by disproportionate reservation policies. So, a brain drain is inevitable and even justified to a certain extent. In this scenario, will scores of 30+ individuals prove to be a ‘force’ that can empower the nation in the truest sense?

A developmental project incurs colossal expenditure because getting clearances involves too much of pushing the (filled) envelope. Property rates are so high in Mumbai that getting a workplace for operations calls for investing a fortune. Though the realty rates in the city are comparable to those of the costliest cities of the world, the infrastructure is barely conforming to international standards.

The number of billionaires in the country is impressive. The problem with our economy is that only the rich get richer and the bottom of the pyramid remains untouched. The entire growth process is far from being holistic. What percentage of the population can actually gain from a rising sensex?

The health of the nation is miserable. Private spending on health in our country is starkly high. Super specialty hospitals cater to the urban patients. Healthcare facilities at affordable prices are not available in most rural India. Year after year, a significant percentage of Indian population is pushed into the gallows of poverty, thanks to illness and lack of affordable medical assistance.

These realities cannot be ignored. They seem to debilitate the very foundation of our growth story. How can India prosper when death knolls continue to ring in the regions of Vidarbha? Hope this New Year, we turn the page in every sense and the government brings in policies and initiatives that will grant our beloved nation, the glory its worthy of!

I now call upon, the winds of change…!!!