Analog moments in a Digital Year

 

From dotcom to AI, we are the generation which has wrapped its head around weird internet led bubbles. We seem to have seen it all, from the Sony Walkman to the apple iPod to the Bluetooth air pods. We have recently seen in equal proportions, connecting wires and the need to apply intelligence; disappear swiftly. AI for productivity versus AI for survival are the two beams we seem to be currently treading precariously

Amid this universal chaos, my toddler started Montessori school and I navigated a new function at work. The beauty of Montessori is that they never let go off the basics; consistently ensuring they shape the right behaviours and inculcate a joy of learning. The biggest learning I had from his school is that the most complex successes are often built upon the simplest, most consistent rituals.

That brings me to a bragging point about cultivating habits – I read 10 new books this year. A teeny number compared to 52 that some may have done but a huge number from zero that I did 2 years ago. I had a lot of mothers tell me that their kids don’t like to read. Why will they? If they never see their parents read. This year was a conscious shift from kindle to physical books as we got them aplenty for our 4-year-old. The old ways of highlighting and underlying texts are nostalgic in their own ways.

I have been a much better leader this year at work – all thanks to the opportunity of parenting Aryan. As a mother, I was always drawn to keeping the basics in place - a tenet almost evasive in the corporate world. Hysterically caring about the narrative, ticking boxes without really moving the needle has started affecting my sense of purpose at work a lot more than it used to. I now consciously invest 80% of my time in high impact work and maybe 20% to cater to egos as I also need to keep my job!

Last year the things were not completely rosy; but I discovered a superpower when I started replacing my fears with gratitude. 2 years ago – it was, why should dad have to undergo dialysis. Today – it is, he has seen his grandson grow and participate in his son’s wedding; all thanks to this life saving treatment. When you have your loved ones with their days numbered, the attitude towards life changes significantly. We all live on borrowed time; a medical diagnosis just brings that reality into sharp focus. Hence, instead of taking festive weekends to fly to a different city, we chose to spend them with the grandparents whose days significantly lengthened with a playful grandson around.

As I prepared to uncover the 2026 diary, I browsed past an interesting addition I made to my diary last year. I wrote one event that made me feel thankful. The range was massive; it included finalizing a nanny after 6 failed ones in 6 weeks to safe hospital discharges of my father to Aryan missing going to school in vacations to my employer selecting me for a completely new role and my little brother getting married! I was fortunate to spend more quality time with my child due to hybrid working model and extremely indebted for being able to cultivate long term hobbies, a distant dream for most working mothers.

As I close this year's chapter, I’m not looking for reckless growth and fancies; I’m just looking for more moments to pause, rewind and be thankful for. The rest is just noise

Tick tock

The clock strikes, and strikes again,
Endless to-dos unlikely to end,
Amid the day that’d been so serious,
An innocent email made me curious.

I clicked on the link despite the amber alert,
A ticker with a time bomb, all set to hurt!
Bewildered, I wondered what can it be?
A clear message that wasn’t a plea.

You’ve got four minutes to save your world,
Dubious at first, I thought until it unfurled!
It offered help too! With an AI assistant,
To grab my attention, it was consistent.

“Follow your heart, this one while,
Your systems need some new files,
Do as I say, to save this day,
Try to keep your worries at bay”

Paint the town with a stroke of a brush,
Write a letter to your office crush,
Tap your feet and dance a happy step,
Pause your mind and let it reset.

Go out to hug that forgotten friend,
Bring out the drums and let music blend,
Your four minutes will compound fast,
Your world indeed will not be lost!

The time bomb only ages your mind,
Clear the clutter and to it, be kind.
Ending your world can’t be so easy,
So, killing it each day is just too crazy!

As the new year taps on your door,
Let a better version of you, unfold. 
Fill it with love and more gratitude, 
Life is but, a sum of your attitude.

Be thankful for every morning you rise,
Love loads, work hard, and exercise,
Live each day as it were your last,
Time is the essence; you know it’s slipping fast!

My tryst with history

 

With my renewed interest in understanding the story of evolution, cultural and social amalgamation, geo-politics and world events of the past and recent times; I chose to formally learn ‘History’. Here are my musings after completing one year of course -work

A typical day would run by the clock,
To break the monotony is what I thought
Fantastical, factual and full of mystery,
I chose to delve into the realms of history
 
The story of humankind spans over 6mn years,
It is filled with valour, accomplishment, strife and fears
Historians have unravelled the why and how,
Paving way to discover the here and now!
 
To open the doors of the future,
Will you exhume the ghosts of the past?
For they say that history repeats itself, and
It is only the legacy that lasts…
 
The legacy of the past and the one that we leave,
Will comprise the perspectives from the thoughts we weave
As the human tree grows branching into the sky,
The roots seem to weaken and heave a sigh…
 
What is taught in school, is it for real;
For it meant I expected the state to be ideal
In a world which changes in months and days,
How will the relevance of history stay?
 
Explore the culture, the heritage and religion,
For every crusade has a purpose and ambition
The avenues to learn history are many,
I hope to inspire you to get on, any!
 

 

Welcome, little roommate!

 

A busy year with smiles and fears,

Anxious moments and joyful tears,

What has changed, I am sure you can guess

Our little bundle of joy, I must confess!

 

Our world has changed and will never be the same

Nappy rash, spit ups, coos and cuddles are to blame!

Milestones and vaccinations are many to track

At times we barely get time to snack!

 

Toothless smiles are the best in town

Teething pain is the biggest reason to frown

Music library has forever changed

Chandoba, naani ki morni and cocomelon are all in range :)

 

They say a child is a father of a man,

Who ensures things will not always go as per plan

At times I am overwhelmed, at times I could cry

Patience and resilience, all worth a try...

 

Never knew I could love so much,

Never knew I could care such a lot,

Newer meanings to life I discover,

Each day as I come along! 

Happy Place

 Life is full of ups and downs; the downs far more felt than the ups... While braving these downs at times you want to hide, you want to run or you just want to feel good about yourself. That's when you go to your secret hideout, your happy place!

When your heart is beating fast, 
In your head spin thoughts so vast, 
When you constantly seek solace,
As you know your mind is going to ache

Trouble at work or folks driving you beserk,

Really hard day keeping your peace at bay,

Piled up emotions that well you up, 

You feel that you've just ran out of luck

You want to let go, or scream or cry, 

Routines and notions you want to defy,

That's when you need a place to hide,

In it your heart will calmly reside 

Snuggle upto your mom, your spouse or your child, 

Or a friend who will unfold the thoughts that 've been piled,

Someone who will put back the smile on your face,

Bring back with love your forgotten grace...

Give you all the strength you need to ace, 

This O' dear! is your happy place :)

Of resolutions and commitments

 

End of 2016, when my attempts to find a match via various matrimony.coms weren’t bearing significant fruits, I decided to invest in myself; in more than one way

Start of 2017, I started using Healthifyme and Duolingo, as part of new year resolution. It is now end of 2020, and I still use both the apps with great discipline. While I might have given too much personal longitudinal behavioural data to Healthifyme, it has ensured I kept my protein and fibre intake in check and never let my weight go over a certain integer. I allow myself to cheat on fats and carbs because I am genetically blessed, may not be true for everyone. However, the limited point is, it doesn’t take too much to take control of what you eat; less than 2 mins per day to track

Languages fascinated me, like a true engineer. They just weren’t coding languages! Zindagi na milegi dobara sowed the Eurotrip seeds in most Indian millennials. Well, a few many years into our 20s, we managed to go on one. Hence, basic hi-hellos, left-rights, yes-no, good day, bye-bye, sir-ma’am was what we wanted to learn before we hit Madrid. Secret girlie plan was to get dos chicas to start talking to guapo hombres ;)

4 years of Duolingo for less than 5 minutes daily has ensured that I can read and understand Spanish language to an extent. Native speakers are too fast for me to comprehend but I am happy that I can appreciate a language that a good amount of humanity speaks. I can occasionally shake a leg on Despacito while I sing along!

In Dec 2019, I switched jobs and my manager gifted me a fitbit. I parked it for a month but as a part of ‘being active’ resolution I started using it from Jan 1, 2020. It has been 12 months and I have gotten used to meeting my exercise goals. I occasionally become the amusing person who gets up and starts walking in the middle of a seated drinks session with family and friends; to ensure I clock my 250 steps for an active hour :D

The black swan year of 2020 gave us many avenues to revisit our priorities in life. Boundaries between work and life, weekdays and weekends collapsed for people who had jobs. Many lost jobs and most never received an interview call to their endless applications

With the negativity and stress levels so high, it was difficult to breathe easy. Weekends were spent in heavy lifting household chores. After a point in time, I hated weekends because I couldn’t sweep any longer! That’s when I took the paint brush and started painting. In the last 8 months, I have created 3 canvases and the bliss of creating something is always incredible. A genuinely mature and encouraging husband has been the biggest icing on my cake and we have done some of these many things together

This year has taught us a very important lesson to take care of ourselves. Care is not limited to avoiding a virus. Peace of mind and a state of positivity can alone lead to better physical health and holistic oneness. I strongly believe that investing in oneself is more important than people perceive it to be. A happy person will be able to make efforts towards making his loved ones happier. Pursuing my hobbies, interests, personal fitness goals, learning from coursera certainly helped me get more control of myself and kept me positively occupied when the pandemic (or Teams calls) was getting too much

It is genuinely not that difficult to do new things in a middle of a busy routine; it just needs a bit of dedication and discipline. I urge you all to make commitments to yourself and follow them through. A few years later when you look back at how you have grown, it will inspire you to only become better! They say only bite as much as you can chew; but most of us hesitate to take a bite in the first place. The few who take the bite, forget to chew

Let’s make every day count people! To a happier 2021!!

P.S. I resolved to start writing a diary back in 2010 and I still do it, don’t think I have missed even a single day

P.P.S. I resolved to not let my blog which was started in 2008 to be dead, so I at least write 1 entry per year

P.P.P.S. Collectively my diary, duolingo and healthifyme takes 10 minutes in a day; don’t tell me you don’t have 10 mins for yourself!!

Fair play

Another year was drawing to a close and my mandatory annual blog entry was still pending. This had been the most eventful year in my life which included my getting married and getting gifted the first pair of Aldo shoes! Despite such life changing events, my blog still awaited a refresh

I had to google creative writing ideas to start penning my thoughts down. A scan of the preceding pages of my blog showed the rigour with which I wrote, I expressed about things I felt or about things that mattered to me. Did I stop feeling? Or worse, did I stop thinking or is this what happens when you cross your thirties?? Did I just suddenly inherit reticence out of nowhere? Or am I scared to say things out loud?!

Over the last few years of my working life, I have come to form an opinion about sustenance of women in corporate. I work with an equal opportunity employer. What I have concluded off-late is that opportunity is not a concern, the working environment is. It was further fueled after reading Lean In. Over the years I have interacted with a lot of internal and external stakeholders. When I was introduced as a project lead, team lead, point person etc, an immediate response would be – ‘Which batch of MBA are you?’ Over time, it became easy to realize that what follows this question is a judgement on lack of experience and a question mark on capability. It is not easy to accept a young manager, more so if it is a female manager. There is a fair amount of scanning and guesstimation of age – more so if you are single. Senior women leaders and mentors at times agreed that it helps to ‘look’ older. A woman who is capable but cannot drink with her male counterparts or partners at work, also at times takes longer to rise up the corporate ladder. This somewhere makes the entire premise of equal opportunity fallible. Most women I know had no choice but to move companies post their maternity leave because the growth options upon their return were limited or not thought through at all. What is a bigger concern is that most women accept a base rating during the appraisal year if they have taken a maternity leave. It is further expected that women make 2-3 career compromises. First one, at the time of marriage. Almost always, the would-be bride relocates because a fellow woman (mother-in-law) feels that the son’s career is more important. Second or third compromise comes at the time of maternity depending on the number of kids she decides to have. A prospective company feels it is their right to ask a woman candidate her marriage thoughts or family plans because corporations weigh business continuity far higher than sensitivity. Be it 8 am or 8pm, calls, reviews and meetings, working Sundays just go on to show disrespect towards personal life and more so for women who also have to probably instruct the maid, feed the baby, replenish the grocery of the house or pack tiffins

Women tend to bring a lot to the table; dedication, compassion and a silent determination which is also sometimes perceived as ‘not enough aggression’. How could I miss hurling abuses as a must-do in the upper echelons of the man’s world? A woman is judged for the way she dresses, she speaks, she abuses, her food as well as her drinking/ smoking habits. While everyone has to prove their worth, a women additionally also has to justify her standing shoulder to shoulder with a male colleague; more so at senior positions. I would also like to mention that some women also make principle level compromises and these are encouraged by her male colleagues. This makes the rest of the world believe that women have it easy. It is unfair but true, because few women chose to be ‘easy’

All said and done, women in corporate today are role models to young girls for whom good education and a great career is the sole way leading to a better life. The group I work for takes care of creating a conducive work environment but on a larger scale the efforts need to be a lot more conscious. What we need is not just equal opportunity employers, but sensitive employers as well as colleagues who would encourage and enable women to give their best!

Ascend

‘Get up or you will miss the sunrise!’ was a beautiful contrast to ‘get up or you will miss the bus.’ 6 days amid the Himalayas was an inexplicable sojourn into a world which was unaffected by the fancies, fallacies or the miseries of the mortal world where I had to eventually return

The stay order on camping at various sites in Uttarakhand did dampen our spirits briefly, however we had chosen between Dayara Bugyal and Phulara Ridge after Kuari Pass got cancelled. Dayara Bugyal it was, after some soul searching which was not influenced by Quora users. Flight, AC train and a tempo traveler which allowed the Dehradun breeze to drift in; brought us to the basecamp from where we were to begin a 30 kilometers journey on foot along the meadows and ridges of the mighty Himalayas

Rewind 30 days; and our group of 8 realized we need to take this trip seriously. Well, you cannot just wake up one fine day and start ascending to reach 13000 feet above sea level. Thus commenced the efforts to take care of oneself. From different locations, in groups of twos and threes, we did our 5k jogs; posted our pace values and routes to inspire or make others envious! We tried getting into a routine wherein we slept well, ate well and had enough energy to challenge our 5k pace day after day. Shoes, warm clothes, torches, et al, we shopped together; created a master list for packing and started counting days for a trek of a lifetime!

Little did I know what to expect beyond starlit skies and chilling winds for the next 4 days. Having a Brit trek leader did add a touch of glamor to the experience! For 4 days after the morning we left the base camp, we did not have tap water, electricity or a roof over our heads. We walked 7-8 kms each day, taking community breaks where healthy finger food and water infused with ORS was shared. I don’t remember awaiting vegetarian food more than what I did during this trip! Black tea at 6am, breakfast at 7, lunch at 2, tea with snacks at 4:30, soup at 6 and dinner at 8; Indiahikes ensured we were well fed. The cold and the climb burnt the calories consumed in this elaborate meal plan. On the first night, we had dinner in our individual plates. Fairly soon, we realized washing a plate, bowl n spoon individually in the freezing cold water was the toughest task at hand. A lot of plate sharing followed in the subsequent meals, initially out of convenience; later out of care. Measuring the blood pressure and SpO2 created a lot of suspense because no one wanted to be prone to altitude sickness. The days were beautiful, we could catch the sun rise, the wild flowers, fiery red autumn leaves and the peaks seemed like they were at a stone throw away! Gangotri, John Lee, Draupadi ka danda became familiar like M G Road and LBS Marg! Being one with nature was an overly used yet a huge understatement. Stretching together was another fun activity to do. Nature’s calls were challenging, the long ones more than the short ones!

The first night I was sleepless, 4 layers couldn’t warm me enough, the sleeping bag was inconvenient and the liner stifled my entire body. I wouldn’t step out of the tent in the middle of the night to pee because it was too cold and too dark. It was almost like programming micturition! The dog at times barked, the neighbor snored and the cold gave grief but I lay still trying to sleep. The following night I gained immunity against the snoring, the liner was probably a tad bit more comfortable but sleep was still disturbed. The third day tired us so much that I slept like a baby that night oblivious to the dog, the snores and the discomfort of the sleeping bag. It was blissful getting up to snow on the tents and frozen rivulets which gullied the basecamp. Un-pitching the tent was another tiresome task. Pulling out the hooks, rods and squeezing the tent into a duffle bag was quite difficult with frozen hands. As conscious trekkers, we carried waste along the way in our eco-bags and contributed to preserving nature in little ways we could

When I narrated the routine to my mother, she asked why one would cause oneself so much discomfort and complete a task which required so much effort; when the entire thing could be easily avoided!! I could have initially said that I did all of this for climbing a mountain, it is no child’s play! Looking back, I think there is so much more to a trekking expedition that just climbing a mountain. Right from packing our bags to eating off shared plates, to not using plastic or telephone network or electricity to consciously clearing litter on the way; the mountain life is all about minimalism and making the most out of available resources. When you carry your weight on your back, you do not carry 6 sets of clothes for two days. You probably carry two shirts and one pajama. How often do we feel grateful for the tap water running 24*7 or a heater in our bathrooms or the mattresses on our king size beds and our maid who does the dishes? Affluence in many ways makes us take the basics for granted. I honestly feel a trek connects us to the basics, makes us more responsible and has the power to humble individuals. Very often our necessities escalate to desires and then further to wants and needs. You and I, fortunately or otherwise are preys to the delights of city life. Routine life puts us back into the quest to be the best and to be able to finish first in everything we do. The best part in a trek is no one tries to climb the summit first, everyone walks together ensuring that each one of us is safe and energized. Once you actually climb the summit, you aren’t sure if the journey was beautiful or the destination is!

To sum up my experience, I would say trekking is not about climbing the mountain, it is just something that happens along the way!

Topics under the burkha

While office commute can be a source of endless complaints and heartburn, it can be a blessing in disguise. It is completely your ‘me time’ and it can run into 1, 2 or more than 3 hours daily. Imagine in a day of 24 hours, where people choose to work for over 12; this is the time when you can completely zone out. Maybe drive, listen to music, pray, read, watch a series or chose to talk to all the friends and family members who you ignored through the day

On one such day at work, I happened to time my exit perfectly well with a couple of colleagues who could give a free home delivery of my self. At times a company is not always considered as intruding upon this ‘me time’. After complaining about controllable and uncontrollable things at work, we decided to give ourselves a break and talk about everything but anything related to office. From which are the newly opened restaurants or movies you have watched recently; our conversation went to women empowerment. A theme, maybe overused, abused in all forms of media. Lipstick under my burkha was a trigger for this discussion. While one of them said it was too dark, the other said it was soft porn and one felt it was real but crude

If you think about it, why would you call it soft porn? The movie did talk about female sexuality in a nation which is probably sexually frustrated. But it also did tell the story of an aspiring rockstar and woman trying to gain financial independence. But what most chose to remember was a hag who fantasized in her old age and the young girl who couldn’t take a stand between her boyfriend and her fiancé. We all know pornographic content is viewed the most on mobile phones. People across social strata, literally invest in data packs to calm their nerves or possibly titillate their senses. One of the colleagues said India’s population is testimony to the horniness of the country. Well, I flatly refused the claim saying it is the testimony to India’s under-education in the areas which need a lot of attention. We all have seen people abroad making out in trams or metros; we still are a nation which tries to ‘get a room’ in most circumstances if our wallets / houses provide. So yes, we are not the horniest; probably a highly curious and an unsatisfied bunch of people somewhere struggling between traditional expectations and a modern outlook

Having read a couple of adaptations of the Mahabharat, and a few other mythologies; I strongly feel India has regressed greatly in the last 200 years. If our schools taught the unadulterated version of the Mahabharat, our children would have understood teenage pregnancies, surrogacy, infidelity, polygamy a lot better than what they do today by talking under wraps. Not only is the epic one of best ways to understand human emotions of love, enmity, friendship and deceit; one can have modern day parallels to everything that happened thousands of years ago. It is hypocritical how carvings on the temple of Khajuraho are pious but uttering the s-word is against morality! We are the same nation which spoke boldly about Balbir Pasha a couple of years ago but is banning condom ads during the day, today! Possibly people dying of STDs is a better way to control population!

I briefly did feel bad about the state of affairs but then got back to reading The Great Indian Novel, where my favorite characters from the Mahabharat were brought to life during the British Raj 

Promises

Have you ever wondered, what it would be like,

To hold hands and be still and just gaze into the night?

Out there of the window, is the enchanting expanse,

The moonlight and the stars are urging us to romance!

I sit next to you and I steal a glance,

While in my head you and I, slow dance

The breeze brings the sound of the silent waves,

In the golden sand, our names I engrave

You don’t say a word, just look into my eyes,

And holding my hand, we begin to rise

One step at a time, and then two and three,

Our souls undivided, entangled yet free…

Do you see that the dawn has already begun?

Under the midnight sun, we promise to be one!

The Golden Meadow

Morning today when I opened the door,

I was led by an angel to a faraway shore... 

There was no sky, there was no ground, 

No voice, no sound; but radiance abound. 

Rich or poor, young or old, 

Shone with a smile, as bright as gold. 

No guile, no lie, no strife, no fight, 

Just a silent prayer in the quest for the right... 

There was no greed, no power, no fear, 

A relentless thirst for peace, so sheer! 

No God, no ghost, no religion, no hate, 

Here people knew love, had trust in faith... 

'Is this for real,  O' angel!  Can you tell? 

Or is it a dream in my mind that dwells? 

I want to call my home, this land so blessed, 

As precious as the jewels from the treasurer's chest!'

She smiled to me and said with a wink, 

'Write this story', and lend me the ink, 

Of love and warmth and kindness so pure, 

'O' human set sail, for this path to steer!'

Post quarter-life crisis (and also Happy New Year)

Most common things keep happening to most of us. After all, we are commoners and no special beings. We have a great set of friends, a reliable family and a job no matter how it is; well most of us do have these things. Yet if you are over 25 by a good margin, there is a strong sense of loneliness that could possibly grip you. It is a scary time because the decisions that one needs to take at this age are life changing (life threatening?) and bound to stay for long.

Most articles will talk about how at 25, there is a difference between an adult and a non-adult and there is a confusion within the self to counter and contain these two personas. There is always a denial mode, and there are certainly friends and cousins getting promoted or getting married all over. Then there are parents who think you are so ambitious that marriage is never on your mind. Little do they know about your struggle to discover yourself, your likes and dislikes, your wants and desires; which have evolved, changed or vanished altogether??!  For a person who probably doesn’t know to handle tax returns well, ambition can be far fetched and possibly, overrated.

I bet most of us who –

1.       Don’t have a girlfriend/ boyfriend or a fiancé, and/ or

2.       Don’t like our jobs, and/ or

3.       Don’t seem to have the same metabolism that we did a couple of years ago,

Don’t even have a resume!

By this age we have lost many of our hobbies, probably forgotten what our passions were like, had numerous fights with our boss for no tangible outcomes, arguments with our mom on general generation gap issues, disillusionment over the entire purpose of post grad education, one super serious break up, have been thoroughly used by so called friends, learnt the hard way the true value of real friends, probably lost faith in God, killed the effervescent child within, lost our innocence, our original killer looks and hearsay is that we have probably lost the drinking capacity as well. Not the best age to be in, is it?

Has it happened that you signed up for too much work so that you can prove a point at work or more often than not, you wanted to be constantly occupied? It is another way of running away from taking decisions and avoiding thinking. Eventually you would burn out and think that you don’t have a life! Don’t be the craftsman of your own dead routine!

Do you frequently have to apply for leaves to attend marriages of friends or cousins? Mere yaar ki shaadi is always an easier option as you can ogle at random people but in a family wedding you are under the radar for potential alliances. At such Hum aapke hain kaun shaadis, question is – To look good or not to?!

It so happens that arrange marriage tops this list of processes (or necessary occurrences) that seem to unknowingly disrupt your peace of mind. You know of friends who dated for a lifetime and then suddenly realized they do not know each other enough and parted ways. The floor slips beneath your feet when you realize your online profile is making claims about your love for kids and career and traveling blended perfectly with impeccable homeliness! You would probably be making a decision to move cities, probably leave your job to marry someone with whom your astrological match is more than perfect. Such a crazy idea, but seems to have worked for generations together. Then you wonder whether why aren’t you convinced that it will work for you as well, applying the same commoners’ logic. Many a times you find yourself staring at the laptop screen, figuring out what caused your only break up (or the most serious break up), wondering when you will post honeymoon hashtags and dinner date pictures; probably unconsciously crying and not knowing why this is happening to you. Then there is always this regret of ‘I did everything right!’ and look how people who never did the ‘right’ things are so happy and have everything in their life! What was indeed the point of being ‘right’ all the time! Who defines the ‘right’ is a separate epic altogether!

You are almost on the verge of being jealous of happy people, not out of hatred but out of self-pity and more than that, out of a high degree of disturbance caused by uncertainty in one or more or all of the aforementioned 3 key areas of life viz. partner, career and metabolism. Amid this turbulence, if a dear friend asks you to share your concerns, you say “I am ok”. You probably aren’t lying, you may be perfectly ok but you keep having this feeling that something is amiss and don’t even know what exactly you need to share! Such an incredible being you are! Such inexplicable things keep happening to you!

You do have one friend each (minimum) of both the sexes with whom you discuss the matrimony thing in detail and feel amazed at how exactly you know and understand the deepest fears mutually. You catch up with these folks regularly and discuss the ‘pipeline’ created by your parents and crib about not feeling the ‘click’ when you meet a matrimony prospect. These are probably your companions to go to Himalayas post renunciation or in the case when nothing else works out for you. You possibly tried Tinder or Floh and resigned on taking the onus of finding your own partner. Delegation is always easy, be it work or life!

Like the solitary cloud with a silver lining, there is a brighter side to this age too! On the pretext of getting married and responsible soon, you can make more than most of the time at hand. Chill with friends over weekends, go to endless road trips, spend money a little frivolously on shopping and binge eating, go on a solo trip (preferably international) and explore places, people and yourself! Try to revive the most engaging hobby you once possessed, learn to dance, experiment with jobs and do at least one thing that is dangerous. The next best dangerous thing to that should be getting married!

All said and done, a day from now the calendar will turn the page and a new year will present itself to us. A year with new possibilities, new hopes and new aspirations! Let new dreams be formed as we infuse a new lease of life into our daily routines, yet again! Hope each one of us sleeps with starry eyes tonight!

Wishing everyone a super Happy New Year!!

The magic of 90s

It was the era of Madonna and Michael Jackson. But it was also the era of Madhuri and Anil Kapoor, of scrap books and video games and hard cover albums and audio cassettes. Marked by humility and innocence, the 90s are remembered for everything that was simple, at times incredibly silly yet dreamily real!

It was the time when I had to get though uncle and aunty to talk to a Pooja about studies. That is why I had personally spoken to moms and dads of all my close friends. Whole of my childhood went in the suburbs around Mumbai and girly trips to fashion street and linking road gave us the best bargains. Back in 1997, I remember having queued to taste the burger when Mc Donald’s first came to my city. Music was worth a purchase rather than free download and Planet M was frequented for its updated music collection. I also remember having struggled to listen to free music at a planet M kiosk on a high-footfall weekend. Malls were sheer novelty and meeting up with friends happened more at their homes. Sets of cousins took turns to play Super Mario and Battle City. Children played lagori and langadi and pillar-pillar was a fanciful game! The feeling of extended family was strong and every middle aged person was easily your uncle or aunt! Career discussions happened more at friend’s places than at counselling centres. Rasna was as popular as coke (or maybe more) and renting videos at Rs 50 for 4 hours and at Rs 100 for a day had its own charm. Cricket wasn’t too regular and India v/s Pakistan meant 50 + 50 overs of unbridled action. Big trophy matches happened once in 2 years and hence got its due share of anticipating audience. Glucose biscuits were staple evening snack and Ruffles Lays was a crazy packet of attraction!

I miss being at the mercy of the radio stations to listen to my favourite song. English music was restricted to a few hours through the day and that too on nothing else but Rainbow. Thanks to the two-in-one, I could record songs played on FM onto a cassette and when 10 songs on side A&B were completed, I had my very own music collection. Then I spent some more time in creating the cassette cover on a chart paper with newspaper and magazine cuttings. I remember taking efforts in replicating the fonts of Dil Se and Gupt on such a pirated audio cassette! Life then wasn’t as easy as mp3skull.com or hungama.com. Walk-man was the trendiest gadget. Nothing was readymade, customized or custom made. A lot of everything was handmade and effectively soul-made!

The Chintu Comic strip from Loksatta

I remember saving money for buying picture postcards. Rs 5 for a big poster and Rs 2 for a small one! SRK came at a premium after Kuch kuch hota hai. 10 postcards came for a discount! I remember pasting them all on a notebook and designing the cover page with sketch pens. As far as I can recollect, almost every one of my age had a favourite and everyone’s favourite reflected in their scrap books. I remember collecting bits of commentary and photos and recording world cups and Bollywood in scrap books

The 90s was a time when Bollywood was still humble. Delhi’s Pragati Maidan, Mysore’s Vrindavan gardens, Mumbai’s Lokhandwala complex, Asiatic library and Marine drive were commonplace for movie shoots. Film city ensured a fair number of celebrity turn out every day and DDLJ provided the attraction of scenic Europe. It was a time when advance booking was necessary to get a balcony seat, all cinema houses were yet to have air conditioning and watching Hum aapke hain kaun was as compulsory as homework! The styles of the actors were imitated locally within no time of a movie release. I remember GAP t-shirts and COSCO basket balls and I remember 4 different groups dancing to Koi mil gaya in a choreographed sequence for a society function

Event photographs had to be developed and duplicated so as to be shared in hard copies. Almost every family would have the instant Poloroid photo clicked on the sands of our tourist beaches! Sundays meant watching international travel shows on Star Plus and Ramayan & Mahabharat on Zee TV. Going to restaurants was restricted to official promotions or birthdays. Shopping had a tremendous significance on Diwali for every person of every caste and creed. Food exchanges between neighbours happened at an enviable frequency. Shifting jobs and homes wasn’t very easy. A certain umbilical cord tied the people together in colonies or in societies and perhaps these are the very people who sense claustrophobia in a plush green open township because somewhere they feel that the cord is broken

Life today has reduced to a click of a button. A lot has changed in the last 10 years and decades from now will continue to bring revolutionary changes in lives of simple people around the world to reduce the efforts taken to live. But the best part is that I can still hold onto the magic of the 90s and pace towards the 2020, smiling with gratitude that I would eternally hold towards those timeless times!

A list of favorites captured in a slam book 

A Sony walk man 

I want red shoes to go with that belt!

 The other day I read a very interesting quote – “Be glad that you're greedy; the national economy would collapse if you weren't!”

Letting serious economy concerns rest at bay, I am talking about the state of my personal finances which are on the verge of collapse at the end of every month and need a bail out. Is it because of my greed?

But I wasn't raised to be a greedy individual. Even today I am not greedy. Understanding of brands, appreciating value for contentment and satisfaction more than ‘value for money’ and having to upgrade in life are the real spoiler kind of virtues I follow these days! Don’t be judgmental about me like that. It isn’t a good habit. My needs have simply translated (and upgraded, like my life) to my desires and I am being in complete obedience with Maslow. Spending lots on tiny portions of food, almost limiting street shopping to Sunday wear, not buying shoes off the roads are certain ways in which I have upgraded. At the end of the financial year, I feel that fulfilling the burden of self-expectations is the bigger than any tax burden of the world!

I used to wear sandak in school and now I wear Catwalk and I feel proud. I know a lot of fancy names like peep toes and I own mustard wedges and green bellies and silver stilettos. 2 years down the line I will probably wear a Jimmy Choo and feel prouder. I don’t know household work but I will (make my husband) invest in modular kitchen. Because I probably belong to the income bracket of top 20% of the salaried individuals in the country and we are spending hard to fulfill Pareto’s principle (lest he feels upset) and ensuring that we contribute to 80% of the country’s annual consumer spend. Pareto will thus become a happy man because people of my kinds will strive to justify his statistics for the coming ages

Sometimes I feel lucky to be privileged. Sometimes I feel confused about my happiness quotient. Sometimes I can’t relate the two because my base hypothesis is I should be happy if I am fulfilling more aspirations. My logic is illustrated below –

Upgrade -> Moving up in life -> Spending on fulfilling aspirations -> Higher probability of happiness

I am not in a job from hell and I have time on weekends. On weekends when I meet friends I consume high calorie food and then I walk with my father for 30 minutes and burn a small percentage of fat I accumulated through the day. I feel happy that despite living a fairly more comfortable life, I haven’t become fat. I like this life a lot because I feel it gives me freedom to spend on my family, my friends, gift them and pamper myself. Yes, retail therapy works! A mailer from Flipkart with top 5 offers (just) for YOU (what a lie!) delights me on a mundane office day and I buy another pair of shoes and my mother shrieks because of the lack of storage space and low re-usability

I was happy 5 years ago when I used to spend 1/5^th of what I do today. I am happy today as well. I don’t think consumerism has victimized me. I am a happy consumer and Flipkart and Central & Pantaloons like me and they all have given me loyalty points as well! At times I almost feel like I am the proponent of how to upgrade in life :P

I think consumerism is making more brands come to India, creating more jobs and making more people like me feel nice (and pampered). It is making India a global market place and that is, on any given day a good thing to happen to any economy

The other day I had a good day at work and I was happily prancing back home when I met a couple who told me they belonged to my state and have lost their money purses and did not have means to get anywhere. I knew I was trying to be conned. But they did look poor. Probably they dint know how to communicate their (monetary) needs to me (like brands do). I felt generous and I gave them sufficient money to have a humble meal for two and left. I felt happier (than I feel when I shop). Probably this is what life is…happiness rests in all sizes XXL, XL, L, M & S. This was probably a S gesture but it gave me a XL amount of happiness! As silly and stretched that it may sound, but my generosity  was based out of the fact that I spend so much on myself (aspirations, etc), I can might as well help a couple who seemed to be distressed

Ultimately, you and me, rich and poor, old and young are all trying to be happy (as against rich) and getting rich (and then upgrading) is one of the many proven ways of finding happiness!

Kindness

Life is beautiful in its own sweet ways. Sometimes full of remorse and maddening, blackening sadness and at times blinding you with its radiant happiness!

On one such day when she was fighting her soul and tears, she reached the waters of Juhu beach. The sun was burning on a March afternoon and the winds were slapping with their fierce flames. She walked the entire stretch searching for her share of peace but dint find any. Tired and weary, she sat down on the edge of a small embankment which separated the sands from the concrete. She pulled out the tickets from her purse and tore them into two, four and then eight pieces. She stared into the setting sun and kept weeping hot tears that flushed her face. Her tears seemed as endless as the horizon. She recounted events and it made her feel more miserable. The merriment at a beach wasn't hampered by her state. She whimpered in the silent corner like a broken pug. Many strangers sat by her side and left it after a while. She dint rise for hours together. One stranger came and sat by her. He dint speak to her for long. Finally, he spoke and introduced himself as a person having his own business to mind but couldn't help intervene because of her endless sobbing. She said nothing and kept staring. He asked her if he could help but she politely refused. He advised her to not stay there for long because it is not a safe place for a single girl to be. He once again asked if he could help and she once again expressed the futility of his endeavour. He still waited for some lewd souls to leave her side. He then rose and held out his card and said, “If you need anything, do give me a call. Don’t mind my interference. I don’t know if you are new to this city but you could reach out to me as you would reach out to your brother”. For the first time in many hours she smiled with a certain gratitude that she bore towards a stranger. She decided to retain the card which wasn't meant to create a business relation, for as long as she could. His name was kundan and his phone number was clearly spelled out so that she could reach him, if need be. This incident made her hopeful and she started her return journey with a belief that she will find her peace and before reaching home, not just her peace and calm, but she even found her lost smile!

When she recounted this incident to me, my faith in human kindness only increased. Maybe you and I have both experienced such instances when the dearest of our people don’t seem to understand our plight but some stranger does. Maybe the stranger also wouldn't understand but we assume that he does! Such is our innocent mind which puts faith in anyone who shows kindness because that is the most rewarding action a human is capable of performing! Maybe such little instances fill our life with hope, faith and endless belief in humanity which we otherwise think is debilitating by every passing day…

Corporate Musings

The recent announcement of Tata Sons withdrawal of the banking license led to an outburst of expectations, questions and anxiousness all poured in together! General public opinion said that the Tatas were meant to become a bank one day. Over a century of existence, but it’s no exaggeration to talk about the amount of trust and faith of the masses, the Group beckons. Such a trusted entity to venture forth in the financial sector as a bank rather than a NBFC would have only done the country and its people more good than harm. The evening the news went public, as a Tata Employee I was asked a lot of questions starting with friends to parents, as to the reasons for this withdrawal I would be privy to besides the once quoted in the press release.  Few even believed that the withdrawal will create more pressure on RBI with respect to its existing regulations and norms than on the operating NBFCs in the Tata Group. The morning post the announcement, the MD & CEO of Tata Capital addressed the employees of the corporate office settling all their questions, appeasing their disappointment, encouraging their good work and requesting their support for the decision taken by the Group

As I anxiously stood there amidst reasons, arguments and disappointments, I saw so much hope and energy in the leader’s words! The frankness with which any employee questioned the CEO of the company and the honesty with which he responded made me realize that the group has come a long way to truly absorb the open door policy. The Group has evolved to be aggressive yet discerning, profitable yet considerate and ever expanding yet ethical to the core! The unquestioning commitment that the Group has shown for its people have made the Tatas industrialist in the truest sense than just an aspiring business house of the country. 

It’s been more than 6 months for me into the system, and the pride of being a Tata group employee only swells with every passing day!

A step in life…

This is how my mother feels. I know she feels a lot more…

This is just a sincere attempt to put words to her thoughts…

It was only yesterday, that she lisped a sweet shrill…

Today her conversations delight me with immense thrill!

I remember her raising her hand to hold my finger…

Today I watch her move with grace and splendor

How she struggled to rise up and peep above the plank!

Now I feel proud to see her reach for the stars!

With an anxious face she had stepped into the school van!

Years later I stand at the airport waving her a loving bye!

As she takes a new step in her life,

I pray to God to always be by her side…

May success & glory touch the shores of her feet,

May with beauty & and grace, her soul be replete…

THE STORY OF EVERYDAY

The morning dawns and the clock strikes again,
To begin a trail that maddens the sane

The typical bus and the familiar train,
Begins the monotony that ceases to wane

The targets are high and ambitious,
The concerns immense and conspicuous

Another meal skipped scrambling by the desk,
‘Won’t join you guys for lunch’ came the reluctant text

Three cups of coffee were the saving grace,
To brush off the fatigue of his weary face

That evening again, he missed the shuttle,
Reached his home after braving the bustle

The kids were fed and fast asleep,
His wife kept waiting in her thoughts so deep

The reckless struggle would just not relent,
Deep in his sleep, he chose to lament

What is this life, so full of care!
There is no time to stop and stare!

Love is...

Love is…
When you get back home tired and weary,
And he gets you hot tea with your favorite snack

Love is…
When he takes the back seat and lets you
Get your hands clean on the steering wheel

Love is…
When he loses the match and is drenched in sweat
And yet you feel proud showing him off to your friends


Love is..
When you see him walking with someone else
Yet you smile because you know he is happy...

Love is…
When you take half the dairy milk back home
Just to watch your sister lick the last remains of it with delight!

Love is…
When your best friend wakes up when you have reached the outside of the office
And yet you wait for him to decide to get marked late together

Love is…
When your mother calls you up on your beach holiday
And advices you to not take the plunge because it’s not very safe!

Love is…
When your dad smuggles in some cash in your pocket
To make sure your date is perfect and your mom doesn’t know about it!

Love is…
When you cuddle up in your granny’s embrace and ask her to tell you a story
Even when you know you have outgrown in size!

Love is…
Simple yet profound
Sweet and always found
Love more and live more…
Life is worth more than just the crores!

I was waiting for so long...

It had been a few years,

All the while she waited in fear,

Worrying if the bullets abound,

Would hit him hard and shoot him down

The infant had now turned one,

Spending time with the mother and none,

Lisping words just out of the blue,

Giving out to her the mystical cues

The morning dawned and yet again,

A telegram lay at her door frame,

Dissonance prevailed in her heart and mind,

She prayed to God, for once to be kind!

Tears of distress rolled down her cheek,

Caressing her toddler, she felt fragile and weak,

She read those words feeling high and low,

Keeping abreast with the thoughts that flowed

“The ceasefire is called,

and the war shall be done…

Two more months

and I will be home…

It’s a matter of time,

till then just behold,

I will soon be by your side,

have faith in the One!”

Wondering if ever did her fate went amiss,

Down came her tears of agony and bliss,

Then she wept and wept for so long…

Life for her never seemed like a song…